I feel as though I’m on a bit of a journey right now. No, not a journey that requires a suitcase or passport, but instead a journey of self discovery. Now that we’ve begun moving past the baby phase I’m rediscovering who I am besides being a Mom. It’s not a mid life crisis (I’m only thirty) but it does involve a lot of internal reflection.
I’m still very busy in Motherhood, especially since we’ve chosen to homeschool our children, but I regularly get eight hours of sleep and a bit of free time. My mind is becoming sharper than it has been over the past five years and it’s possible to actually have a life beyond my kids. The question is, what do I want to do with that? Where do I go from here?
I have confidence in the decisions my husband and I have made. I feel good about the move we just made, the community we’re surrounding ourselves in and the people we spend time with. Our family dynamics are good, communication is solid, and we’re very happy with how we’re living. There’s nowhere else I’d rather be than with my kids and husband.
But the other day I found myself staring in the mirror and taking in my personal appearance. My head is sprouting white hairs and my skin isn’t as vibrant as it use to be. Wrinkles are forming around my eyes and my body is feeling a bit saggy. I’m getting older, and for the first time in my life it’s obvious. I see it and I can feel it.
I’m not sure what to do with that. I don’t feel as young as I use to. Having three children and raising them absolutely has taken a toll on my body. I cannot expect to look and feel the way I did ten years ago but that doesn’t make the transition any easier. I don’t want to teach my kids that growing older is something bad either, because it most certainly not. With age comes wisdom, knowledge and experience. I guess rediscovering who I am in my thirties will just take time.
Here is what I do know; I have a loving husband who believes in working hard to keep our marriage strong. I have three children who think I’m the best Mama ever and tell me so each day. I have a wonderful group of friends who I laugh with on the phone and in person. I have a passion for travel and helping people make those travel dreams come true – especially if it involves Disney! I have a supportive church that believes in reaching and serving our community and living a life that pleases God. And I’m a child of God. I am incredibly thankful for the security that gives me both in this life and beyond death.
As for the rest of me… I’m a work in progress. I don’t know where the next five years will see me go in regards to this blog, social media, or my hobbies. I don’t seem to care about a lot of the same thing other bloggers do and that often makes me wonder if I’m doing something wrong. My focus is my family and making memories with the people I love and I’m not willing to sacrifice that
For now I can only do what my conscience and heart tell me to do each day. I must do what I feel is right. Faith, family, and friendship – my whole life branches out from these three things.